School Dinner

Looking back now I can’t remember the exact reason for sitting in the head teacher’s office. It was probably for fighting. He told me that I was being excluded from school for 1 day. This was the first time something like this had happened.  Although looking back now, I don’t think I was ever in the running to be student of the year.

I don’t think the head teacher really understood me. I recall one day when he was covering for our teacher as she was off sick. We all sat down while he took the register and money for school dinners. I handed mine in as I did every week. 

“Its empty?” he said with a puzzled look.

“No, it’s got a cheque in it, my mum always pays with a cheque”

I could feel everyone was looking at me. When he proceeded to open up the envelope and tip it upside down in front of the class it made me feel like a thief. An embarrassed thief as the class was now laughing. 

I didn’t eat my dinner that day. I hadn’t paid for my dinner so I didn’t deserve one in my mind. If anything being hungry for the rest of day made me feel better, it was a punishment I had given myself that I felt I deserved.

Turns out I was on free school dinners. It says it in the register next to my name. Why did I take an empty envelope in every week? My mum did it to protect me from being bullied for being “poor”.   

Here we go...

When I was first diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome, I went to a lot of mental health workers. Their advice was that I should write things down. I was a fairly angry 8 year old who would bottle things up until there was too much pressure in the bottle. So this is my idea for the blog (although it is 10 years later). It’s somewhere I can write things that anger me down. I will also use it to tell people what it was like for me. From being kicked out of two schools right through to how I help others now.

My spelling will not be correct, my punctuation will be out and my grammar will not be that gained through a mainstream school. But it will be real thoughts, emotions and stories that have shaped me in the person I am today. Something which I am not ashamed of, but do not wish upon others.

I realise that this post is not the best, but right now is just the beginning and everyone holds back at the beginning.  I hope that you do come back and read my next post,  as it will be about a pivotal moment of when I was at primary school.